I officially moved back into dorms on August 14, 2015! I am absolutely in love with my dorm room ugh if i could do the heart eyes emoji right now, I would! My school started today so everyone's been in classes today and of course, it's raining. It's been raining all day and supposed to for the rest of the day. That sucks. I only have Tuesday and Thursday classes so I've just been chilling out today.
Actually, I have a date/hang out session soon lol
I've been talking to this guy almost all summer. We met on Tinder, no judgement! So we've been out on dates and hung out five times, I think! He goes to my school and lives here so it was hard to hang out with him over summer because my parents live an hour and a half away from Chattanooga, where my school is. So now that I'm finally back in Chatt, I can hang out with him more!
We're taking it slow, which I like! He hasn't kissed me or held my hand yet. He wrapped his arm around me while we were laying in his bed watching a movie on Netflix and he hugs me every single time we part after the date! Ugh, he's so cute! He always pays for my meals and is the nicest guy ever!
Again, we're taking it slow, but I'm hoping to further our relationship throughout the year!
Anyway, I'm hoping this upcoming year is better than my Freshman year was. I had one tough year! I found out that I have ADHD, anxiety, and a bit of depression. I fought with friends and it all just kind of sucked. I failed my first semester. I had my first panic attack in January, more following throughout the semester. I finally went on medicine, then found out I had ADHD at the age of fucking 19 years old.
On the bright side, I pulled my gpa up, getting myself completely off of probation. I took two summer classes, pulling an A in both, so raising my gpa even more! That really gave me confidence. I lost all motivation and hope and pretty much didn't care when I failed. It does something to you when you see that you have a 1.0 gpa. You feel stupid, worthless, and like you've used your parents money just to fail out. I was so scared I'd fail again and get kicked out. Soooo scared. But I proved myself wrong. I pulled my gpa up from a 1.0 to a whopping 2.4 and kicked ass. It made me feel good. Made me feel like I could do anything.
It isn't that I'm not smart. It's finding the motivation and willpower to actually accomplish passing classes. I know that I can, I proved that already. A 2.4 is nowhere near good in my eyes. I graduated high school with a 2.8 so that's always been my type of grades, and that's okay if you're okay with that. I was okay with that in high school. I want to change that though. I want to prove to myself that I can get above a 3.0 and show my parents and family that I can do it.
All of my friends see me as some kid that doesn't study and just talks and slacks off. That's complete bullshit if you ask me. Sure, I slack some and talk A LOT, but look at how much I pulled my gpa up. Obviously I didn't do that by slacking off and not studying. Apparently I can study and shit unlike everyone thinks.
I'm glad my brother believes in me. He made a bet with me the other day. He told me that if I can get the same grades as him OR better, he would buy me something at the end of the semester. My brother is in med school and is the type to overachieve so it'll be tough. He's in hard classes this year because he's a senior and in all biology classes. But I know he'll do well in those classes. I am confident to beat him, because I've never been one to beat him in school. It'll motivate me to do better.
For those of you in my predicament, where you've failed, have anxiety, can't focus from ADHD, can't find motivation, or anything else, just keep your head up. If no one else believes in you, know that I do. I don't care who you are or what you do, you can do better if you want to. Just believe in yourself and show the haters that you can do this. You are smart and just search for that motivation. Make a bet with someone like I have. Hopefully, you'll all find what you need and reach your goals!
Thanks for reading,
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