Ending Fall Semester

As the leaves fall and winter blows in, all of us college students look forward to winter break like waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. The week of finals is long, tough, and stressful, but the ending feels like running through a ribbon while running a marathon. Students should get an award for handling all of the break downs, fights, and sleepless nights throughout not only finals week, but the entire semester.

We all know the feeling of getting grades back. The smiles falling from our faces from a bad grade. The shaking of our legs as the page loads. The weight falling off our shoulders when we make a better grade in our classes than we thought we would. The feeling of passing finals and all of the studying put towards those tests paying off in the end.

I, personally, am not all too happy about my grades. I made two B's, two C's, and one F. An F. My first thought was: great, I've done it again. It pissed me off. Upset me more than anything. I told myself last year that I wouldn't fail again. How have I gone back and done this again??? I'm not pissed at the teacher or the class or the tests or anyone or anything, but myself. I'm pissed at myself. Why should I be pissed at anyone else? I did this.

I tried studying, but nothing seemed to stick. I'm on medicine. Medicine for ADHD. Medicine that doesn't work. I've gone from Adderall to Vyvanse to a Methylphenidate. I'm not sure what the name is, but it isn't working. I'm on 54mg now and I up the dosage tomorrow, so we'll see if it works. I hope it does. I wonder if I should just stop taking everything and see what happens, that's what my mom wants me to do.

My brothers girlfriend called me a walking pharmacy this morning. As if that makes me feel good about myself. Like thank you... I take 4 different types of medicine and one is the pill, so it isn't like serious. But still, it's 4 more pills than half the kids my age take.

I have a doctors appointment today. My throats been hurting, so I hope I don't have strep throat or something. I'm hoping I just have a head cold or allergies. I've been coughing, sniffling, bad headaches, and my throat is sore. So we'll see on that too.

I'm excited for Christmas to come along. I was supposed to be posting 12 Days of Christmas like I tried to two years ago, but as always, I'm lazy. I haven't been posting anything to YouTube. I'm hoping to post more on this blog now that I'm home from school until January 8th.

I have to go to the doctors now, so I'll post and update you later!
Thanks for reading, if anyone is!
Have an A1 day, peeps! xx

Currently Stressing

I wrote this Thursday:

I have a final today.
It's in about 25 minutes and I'm getting a bit nervous

I've studied, but I still feel not ready. It's hard to study for this class and I really don't like the teacher. I'm happy to be done with this class for the rest of life, you know, unless I fucking fail

I don't know what I'd do if I failed...

Since I've already failed two classes last year and dropped one with a Withdraw, that takes up the three redo classes that I get from my college

Now it's Saturday and I realize that I was stressing for no reason
At the time, it wasn't for no reason because I had that final.
I did fail it
BUT I made a C in the class and that's good enough for me!
I'm honestly so happy that I passed the class with a C. I expected to fail the entire class. When I saw that I had a C in the class, the biggest weight came off my shoulders.

I was laying in my boyfriends bed and when he came into the room, I was smiling and he noticed. God, I was so happy.

I am still stressed though

I have so much work coming up for school and it's getting to the point where I don't even want to do anything anymore. I just want to push off every single thing I have and just lay in my bed.

I'm currently trying to finish Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I literally have about 9 episodes left until I'm done with season 9 and I've already watched season 10 through episode 19, I believe. I'm trying to finish before I go home for Thanksgiving break on Wednesday. I have all of the new episodes recorded on my TV to watch and I want to be done with season 9 before I watch any more of season 10!

I'm also watching 90210 right now! I'm in season 2 so that's exciting! It's such a good show ugh

I WATCHED THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART 2 
oh my god, it was amazing. EVERYONE SHOULD GO WATCH. it was so so so good! And I also got a free poster that I hung on the back of my bedroom door! ugh, i'm sad the trilogy is over. I could cry solely because it's over.
I cried when Harry Potter ended because that was like my entire childhood

Thanks for reading guys!

Have an A1 day lovelies!

New Leaf

ha, get it, new LEAF and it's fall?
im just so clever
and punny
wow no

ANYWAY,
I have gotten myself to finally edit this website! I am officially DONE
What I mean by this is, if you look at the top, there are different links. If you click on them, they will each take you to different places! Some have one post underneath and some have specific posts under them from past posts.
I went through all the posts I've ever done (since 2011, damn) and tagged them or deleted them

Some of the things I used to post were absolutely stupid and useless so I just deleted some of them! I kept others that weren't too bad or were useful! Some had some information about me and my life so feel free to go back and look and read and explore and creep on me!

Remember, the posts at the beginning were from 2011 so don't judge on my writing. I was a young child LOL
that was only 4 years ago, Libby.......

But, I want this website to be fun and enjoyable and about my day to day life
I'm in a relationship, in college, and having so much fun at school, but also having some difficulties. I'd like to be able to write about these fun adventures and the stresses of college here so family, friends, and others can read along!

I just wanted to fill you guys in on this website being remodeled and finished! I hope you guys enjoy! I'm glad I finally figured out the pages thing!

Have an A1 day bitchachos! :)
xx

Am I Crazy Yet?

So I got to see my boyfriend yesterday for dinner. We went out to eat, then he took me back to my dorm room so he could go over to his friends house. They were drinking, so I didn't expect him to text me much, because when they drink, they play computer games so he doesn't exactly have a hand to text with.

Anyway, I've been wondering lately if I'm a clingy girlfriend or not. So I took myself to a little thing called google and literally searched "am I clingy quiz?" LMFAO

click here for the link if you'd also like to know just how clingy you are!

Here are my results:

Kinda Clingy

You strike the perfect balance between being overbearing and laid-back when it comes to your BF. You enjoy the time you guys spend together but realize it's OK to be apart, too. You two have a great sense of trust in your relationship that makes you an amazing couple. Good for you!

So that makes me feel good!!

Then, I searched "Am I in love quiz?" lol don't judge, i just wanted to see what it'd say!

again, click here for the quiz!

my results:

Completely in Love

You have fallen head over heals! Your boyfriend/girlfriend is so lucky to have you in their lives. Don't let this feeling go.

OH GEEZ

I'm taking another

link here!

Your Feelings for Your Crush are the Real Deal

It's not just because they're hot, or they're on the soccer team, or have that cool senior thing going for them. It's not just the idea of your crush that makes your stomach drop whenever they're around. The more you get to know your crush, quirks and all, the more you like them. And the way they make you feel when you're hanging out or texting makes you want to be around them all the time. You've shared personal things about yourselves that you've never told anyone else and they're the person you come to when you have good news or bad, because you know they'll be there for you. Even if you're not ready to say "I love you" yet, that kind of intimacy, trust, and deep connection are the foundation for lasting love.

Okay, THAT'S more believable! The only thing with the second quiz is that it's more for high schoolers who are crushing on someone. I'm already dating my man! 

Also, yesterday, November 4th, marks 5 months of talking to my bae!

On the 10th, it'll be 2 official months and the 14th is his birthday, so I can't wait for us to go out and celebrate! I bought his birthday presents yesterday! I won't spoil that here because I don't want anyone to see, even though I doubt anyone will! 

I have to go now because my laptop is about to die any second!

have an A1 day peeps! xx

What is he thinking?

For those of you who don't know, I have a boyfriend now.

I feel...
crazy
insane
clingy
standoffish
psycho

that's just to name a few

Anyway, I can't get him off my mind. I wish I knew what he was thinking, I really do. Guys are so complicated to me, I don't get it. And it isn't like I can just be like, "hey tell me everything you're thinking" because that'll make me look cray cray

I'm the type that doesn't wait around to text back, message him a million times if he takes a long time to text back, freak out or get mad with him if he can't hang out/makes other plans. I understand he has other people in his life too.
The world doesn't revolve around us girl, ladies
as weird as that may be

He doesn't text all that much and he's a busy bee so he'll take a long time to text back a lot of the time. For instance, today, he just now texted me and it's nearing 6pm. Some girls would go crazy over that...
Then again, maybe I am going crazy because I'm sitting here writing this blog post

He drives me crazy
I want to tell him
I want to just be with him

I feel like that's normal though, for a gf to want to be with her bf

So here's my problem:

I overthink EVERYTHING
text messages, talking, conversations, pictures, names, you name it
I don't go crazy over them, but I do think about a lot all the time
I'll get nervous to ask him to hang out, but he's my boyfriend, I should be able to say whatever the hell I want without it being all too weird

I always think about him and I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about me too. I want to spend so much time with him, but he's older and is so independent, sometimes it's hard to tell if he wants to spend time with me as much as I do him. I hope that makes sense
I'm a very dependent person. I don't usually put all of the dependency on one person, like if he can't hang out, I'll go to one of my friends
but he's super independent
I just wonder if I'm the one in the relationship who has more feelings than the other partner

Also:
I never say anything crazy to him
I want to come off as chill
and to some point, I am
but again, i overthink everything
therefore, I freak out to my friends instead of him
I don't want to seem clingy or too attached or something

I'm drained too.
I have slept 30 minutes in the past 31 hours
I've been to three classes today and about to go to my last
I had two tests, one quiz, and two papers to revise/write
welcome to college
I need sleep
I want cuddling
I don't want to ask to hang out again because I don't want to get annoying or overbearing

Maybe i'm crazy, maybe I'm not. Who's to say?
I don't think I'm going crazy
at least i'm not one of those girls texting their boys 20 times in one minutes because they didn't text back in a certain amount of time... like come on, they have lives too...

for now, this is a goodbye
ttyl bitchachos xx

Updated Bucket List!

Coming to you again with an updated bucket list!

My previous two are here:
first
second

1. Go to New York City
2. Go to Paris, France
3. graduate 8th grade
4. graduate 12th grade
5. go to college
6. be an author
7. get a book published
8. get writing put in a magazine
9. go to the great wall of china
10. sing in front of an audience
11. get a German Shepard as a pet
12. get $20 and spend it all on gummy bears
13. ride an upside down roller coaster
14. clean out playroom and redo it
15. help a homeless person
16. kiss the same guy more than once
17. ED SHEERAN CONCERT
18. Taylor Swift concert
19. Jason Mraz Concert
20. go cliff diving
21. ONE DIRECTION CONCERT!!!!!
22. Miley Cyrus Concert
23. climb a mountain
24. run a 5K
25. be able to run a mile in 6 minutes
26. get over 1000 songs on my Zune/phone/computer
27. lose 30 pounds
28. go skydiving
29. tongue kiss a guy
30. write a book and finish it
31. touch a famous person
32. get my permit
33. get my license
34. drive to school
35. see a shark in the ocean
36. see a whale out of ocean
37. see whale in ocean
38. go on another cruise
39. go to Seattle, Washington
40. go to Chicago
41. touch a lion
42. feed a lama
43. see a moose
44. see the ice skating rink in NYC (on Christmas)
45. see the big tree in NYC (on Christmas)
46. go to the grand canyon
47. go tubing
48. go bungee jumping
49. have over 60 pairs of shoes
50. date a guy for longer than a year
51. go to Six Flags with my friends
52. go back to Disney world
53. go to Disney land
54. go to the biggest toy store in the world
55. go skiing
56. go scuba diving
57. ride a horse
58. ride an elephant
59. take a picture of a rainbow
60. hug a mime
61. go water skiing
62. ride a dune buggy
63. ride a four wheeler
64. get a tattoo
65. touch a donkey
66. Go to PROM!!!!(:
67. grow my hair out and give it to locks of love
68. see the empire state building in NYC
69. see the statue of liberty
70. redo my closet
71. redo my room
72. redo my bathroom
73. see a bald eagle outside of a cage
74. see an owl outside of a cage
75. have a guy text me good morning
76. hold hands with a guy
77. donate clothes I don’t want
78. donate toys I don’t want
79. touch a penguin
80. see the coliseum in Rome
81. see the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco
82. see the Taj Mahal in India
83. go to a surprise party
84. fly in a hot air balloon
85. jump in a trampoline in the water
86. experience a sunset
87. see a polar bear
88. go to Alaska
89. go to Niagara Falls
90. see a koala bear
91. see a kangaroo
92. go to every state in the US
93. go to Myrtle Beach
94. pet a sheep
95. go water rafting
96. go parasailing
97. be a bridesmaid
98. ride on a 4 wheeler
99. see the Hollywood sign
100. go to Las Vegas
101. go to Victoria Falls
102. go to Rome
103. see the Brooklyn Bridge
104. visit the Hoover Dam
105. visit Mt. Rushmore
106. Jump off a cliff into water
107. Kiss under mistletoe
108. See the ball drop on New Year’s in Time Square
109. Take cute kissing pictures in a photo booth
110. Play beer pong
111. Drink Vodka and Sunny D together
112. Go on a road trip
113. Dye my hair
114. Go to Germany
115. Travel around Europe
116. See the northern lights
117. Kiss someone on new year’s at midnight
118. Have a valentine
119. Witness a marriage proposal
120. Go on a safari ride
121. Reach 500 followers on tumblr
122. Get kissed under a waterfall
123. Kiss under fireworks
124. Kiss at the top of a Ferris wheel
125. Visit the Titanic in a submarine
126. Learn how to do CPR
127. Kiss in the snow
128. Own a husky
129. Find a four leaf clover
130. Spend a holiday somewhere exotic
131. Lay down in a field of flowers
132. Cuddle under the stars
133. Visit the mall of America
134. Have my father walk me down the aisle
135. Have a father daughter dance at my wedding
136. Be kissed unexpectedly
137. Receive a dozen red roses from a guy
138. Slow dance in the rain
139. Own a dream catcher
140. Have a promise ring
141. Kiss under water
142. Learn how to drive a stick shift
143. Have 1000 followers on tumblr
144. Go to Spain
145. Go to England
146. Go to Italy
147. Go to Poland
148. Go to Norway
149. Go to Belgium
150. Go to Switzerland
151. Go to the Netherlands
152. Go to Greece
153. Eat at Tiffany’s in New York
154. Write 5 books in all
155. Write 10 books in all
156. Write 20 books in all
157. Ride on a motorcycle
158. Have 8 ear piercings
159. Get my nose pierced

I have completed 56 of these and I deleted more off this list! I definitely marked more than I thought I would, but deleted some so it's still around the same number completed as last time! 

Thanks for reading! :)

xoxo,

Libby

I'm a Sophomore!

It's weird calling myself a Sophomore for the second time in a couple of years. This Sophomore is for college! I kind of hate of high school used the same thing college does! I wonder who came up with that or which came before which? Like did high school use freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior before college or the other way around? I guess I could look it up, but I don't really feel like it.

I officially moved back into dorms on August 14, 2015! I am absolutely in love with my dorm room ugh if i could do the heart eyes emoji right now, I would! My school started today so everyone's been in classes today and of course, it's raining. It's been raining all day and supposed to for the rest of the day. That sucks. I only have Tuesday and Thursday classes so I've just been chilling out today.

Actually, I have a date/hang out session soon lol

I've been talking to this guy almost all summer. We met on Tinder, no judgement! So we've been out on dates and hung out five times, I think! He goes to my school and lives here so it was hard to hang out with him over summer because my parents live an hour and a half away from Chattanooga, where my school is. So now that I'm finally back in Chatt, I can hang out with him more!

We're taking it slow, which I like! He hasn't kissed me or held my hand yet. He wrapped his arm around me while we were laying in his bed watching a movie on Netflix and he hugs me every single time we part after the date! Ugh, he's so cute! He always pays for my meals and is the nicest guy ever!

Again, we're taking it slow, but I'm hoping to further our relationship throughout the year!

Anyway, I'm hoping this upcoming year is better than my Freshman year was. I had one tough year! I found out that I have ADHD, anxiety, and a bit of depression. I fought with friends and it all just kind of sucked. I failed my first semester. I had my first panic attack in January, more following throughout the semester. I finally went on medicine, then found out I had ADHD at the age of fucking 19 years old.

On the bright side, I pulled my gpa up, getting myself completely off of probation. I took two summer classes, pulling an A in both, so raising my gpa even more! That really gave me confidence. I lost all motivation and hope and pretty much didn't care when I failed. It does something to you when you see that you have a 1.0 gpa. You feel stupid, worthless, and like you've used your parents money just to fail out. I was so scared I'd fail again and get kicked out. Soooo scared. But I proved myself wrong. I pulled my gpa up from a 1.0 to a whopping 2.4 and kicked ass. It made me feel good. Made me feel like I could do anything.

It isn't that I'm not smart. It's finding the motivation and willpower to actually accomplish passing classes. I know that I can, I proved that already. A 2.4 is nowhere near good in my eyes. I graduated high school with a 2.8 so that's always been my type of grades, and that's okay if you're okay with that. I was okay with that in high school. I want to change that though. I want to prove to myself that I can get above a 3.0 and show my parents and family that I can do it.

All of my friends see me as some kid that doesn't study and just talks and slacks off. That's complete bullshit if you ask me. Sure, I slack some and talk A LOT, but look at how much I pulled my gpa up. Obviously I didn't do that by slacking off and not studying. Apparently I can study and shit unlike everyone thinks.

I'm glad my brother believes in me. He made a bet with me the other day. He told me that if I can get the same grades as him OR better, he would buy me something at the end of the semester. My brother is in med school and is the type to overachieve so it'll be tough. He's in hard classes this year because he's a senior and in all biology classes. But I know he'll do well in those classes. I am confident to beat him, because I've never been one to beat him in school. It'll motivate me to do better.

For those of you in my predicament, where you've failed, have anxiety, can't focus from ADHD, can't find motivation, or anything else, just keep your head up. If no one else believes in you, know that I do. I don't care who you are or what you do, you can do better if you want to. Just believe in yourself and show the haters that you can do this. You are smart and just search for that motivation. Make a bet with someone like I have. Hopefully, you'll all find what you need and reach your goals!

Thanks for reading,

Trips, New Years, MY BIRTHDAY, and Rebelling

I'm prewriting this and scheduling it to be posted on my birthday! So that would be right now! I'm 19 bitchessss!!!! Happy birthday Harry Styles, I love you bae! Happy birthday to me too! I can't wait to see what's in store for my birthday.

Subject change:
So, I went on a couple trips before the new years rang in. I got out of school for Christmas break on December 5th. I went home for a week and then the second week of break, I went on a secret trip with one of my friends. Obviously, it is a secret so I can spill too many deats. All I will say is it was amazing and I want to go back oh so badly!!
The second trip I went on was over new years, my parents, me, and my best friend, Hannah, went to Chicago, IL! I'd never been to Chicago, let alone IL. We drove, which sucked. It was 10 hours there plus an hour or so of stopping for restroom and eating breaks. We went straight to my parents friends house, who lives maybe 20-30 minutes out from Chicago. It was late that night so we ate at my parents friends house and went to the hotel to sleep. The next day, my best friend and I went into Chicago. We took a taxi straight to the Willis Tower (previously, the Sears Tower). We went out on the SkyDeck ledge. For those of you who don't know, the SkyDeck is a glass box over the city. You can look straight down. We were 103 stories up looking out over Chicago. It was amazing. If you go to my Instagram @libbygillies you can see pictures!
We also went to the bean! The infamous bean! It was amazing! You can also see pictures of the bean on my insta. We also tried a pizza place that day before heading back. It wasn't that great of pizza, we tried the wrong place obviously.
That night was New Years. It sucked. My parents wouldn't let us go back into the city to watch fireworks so we sat in the dorm room while everyone partied around us. We were pissed. My parents were out all night. So the next day, we went to Hard Rock Cafe with my parents in Chicago. Then we separated from them and just walked around Chicago. We didn't really go anywhere specific, just walked around seeing the place. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved Chicago. I want to go back. We only stayed for two full days. The next day, January 2nd, we came home. I went back to college on January 5th. So I was out for a complete month.

I got another piercing before Christmas break though. So now I have 9. I wasn't supposed to get the 9th apparently, but I didn't know. My dad was just a bit pissed. He told me that if I get another, I can pay for college. Like woah. There's a fuck ton of things I can't do before I graduate and if I do do them, I can pay for myself. Piercings is one of them. I don't like having an odd number though. I want to get both tragus's (not sure if I spelled that right, tragus'?), and a triple forward helix. That would give me 14 and that would be even. I'd be okay with that. UGH, I want so many piercings. Then, I want my nose but that would put my at 15, lol. 15 is okay though. Even though it's odd, 15 would be fine. Oddly enough.
The list of things I can't do are:

1. no tattoos
2. no more piercings
3. no apartments
4. can't get married
5. no nose ring (specifically)
6. No skydiving

That may be it. Let's do all of them, lol. 

Thanks for reading!

Libby xx

Returning, Probation, Schedules, Netflix/Hulu & my Birthday!

I've been gone for a long time now. I have updates to give you guys, this post may be a bit long. I'm going to try to keep it short.

So first on the list, I'm back now, obviously. I don't know if I will be posting regularly or anything like that, but I will when I can. I'm hoping to post more often, I just don't know a set time to post or anything like that. For now, it'll be randomly.

So, getting serious. I'm on Academic Probation. Those of you who are still in high school, prepare yourself for college. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But there are a lot of distractions like parties and friends. Just set aside a time for studying, it is important, you know. Anyways, that was my problem, I partied too much and drank a lot. I didn't leave much time for studies which really put me back. I'm not trying to lecture anyone, but college is serious. This is your future.

Seriously, fuck high school. It didn't prepare me for anything. College is completely different. I love it way more, but the classes and teachers are different. They don't do shit for you like high school teachers do. Teachers in high school baby you and let you do extra credit and shit. They want you to pass. Teachers in college only care if you make an effort to get to know them. Of course, they don't want you to fail their class, but they won't hesitate to fail your ass if you're fucking around. I did so bad last semester and this semester, I have to work even harder to get off of probation. It sucks. Trust me. I'm losing my scholarship, but I have no doubt that I'll be able to get it bad my Junior year of college.

My birthday is coming up! This Sunday, February 1st, I turn 19 years old. Yes, yes, those of you who are Directioners, I do, indeed, have the same birthday as the ever so handsome Harry Styles. He's beautiful, isn't he? Anyways, I'm spending my birthday in Chattanooga with all of my friends. It'll be super fun. We're planning on going to a frat party and hang out and shit.

Speaking of frat parties. I went to my first this last Friday. Jan. 23! I went to Lambda Chi and it was so much fun. It wore me out, lol. My legs are still sore from dancing, which we did the entire time!

To catch up with what TV shows I'm watching right now. Once Upon A Time. Let me just let that sink in for you. For those of you who have seen OUAT, oh my fuck, right? I'm catching up on the new season, season 4. I'm on episode 6 I believe. I'm watching on Hulu Plus and it comes back on March 1st. I feel like this season was short. It only has 12 episodes right now. Maybe when it comes back in March, it'll keep going with the season! I'm not sure. When I finish watching OUAT, I'm starting Friends on Netflix.

Here comes my rant. I've wanted to watch Friends for so long, but it wasn't on Netflix. So I asked for the box set for Christmas, OF COURSE, it came out on Netflix around Christmas after my parents bought the damn box set. Either way, that's cool, I can do both. It's so dumb. lol. My dad was like, "Netflix always changes things around so Friends may not be on Netflix for that long." I was like... dad, Friends probs isn't going to be taken off Netflix. If, however, I'm wrong, then I have the box set. Hahaha. Not much of a rant, but it's something!

This isn't that long, see? I did good! I'll go for now, catch ya later bitches!
Libby xx